Thank you for applying at The Bastion. Before we can accept you, there are a few points we need clarified.
- Your history and personality for Osahar have a disconnect between them. We don't see very many connections between the two, IE "Osahar did this because of this personality trait" or "Osahar is like this because of an event in his past." Part of the reason why we have character history and personality under one heading is that there should be a synthesis between the two. You can still keep them as separate sections within that one heading, like you have now, but we would like to see them reference each other a bit more. Explain how his past affects who he is, and how his personality drives his actions.
You have 72 hours to post your revisions. Please post them as a reply to this comment.
If you have any questions about the revision request, please feel free to contact us.
REVISION
Thank you for applying at The Bastion. Before we can accept you, there are a few points we need clarified.
- Your history and personality for Osahar have a disconnect between them. We don't see very many connections between the two, IE "Osahar did this because of this personality trait" or "Osahar is like this because of an event in his past." Part of the reason why we have character history and personality under one heading is that there should be a synthesis between the two. You can still keep them as separate sections within that one heading, like you have now, but we would like to see them reference each other a bit more. Explain how his past affects who he is, and how his personality drives his actions.
You have 72 hours to post your revisions. Please post them as a reply to this comment.
If you have any questions about the revision request, please feel free to contact us.